Saturday, 5 May 2012

A letter to my future husband,as of yet unknown by Malaika wa Azania

by Malaika Wa Azania on Monday, March 28, 2011 at 5:36am ·
Dear Husband

You must understand that from my teenage years,i have never been too fond of the idea of marriage,so allowing you to marry me was a huge compromise that you must never take for granted.

I come to you with a past,and it's not without its stains.You must know that no-one comes out of this life unscarred,and i'm no exception.The decisions that i've taken and the choices that i've made have made me who i am.The society that i grew up in and the community that raised me has influenced and nurtured the person that i've become.

Not all the decisions that i took were progressive.Some were to my detriment.Not all the choices that i made were correct.Some proved to have been disasterous.The societal norms weren't always moral,but my principles remain uncompromised.The community that i'm part of isn't saintly,but no family is perfect.

When i made the decision to say "I do",i made it with a sober mind.I made it in a rational state and i knew exactly what i was doing,so at no point should you feel that you were a mistake,and if it is you who ends up feeling that way about me,i'm sure you'll agree that i was a mistake worth making.

I learned long ago that i must declare my rules,lest i'm taken advantage of,albeit unintentionally.So on this very day,i want to remind you 5 important things:

In our marriage,we are one,because all decisions taken and choices made are to be done so by both of us,democratically.However,i am Malaika Mahlatsi and you are ......Before you i had my own life that comprised of my own friends,my own hobbies and my own passions.You had the same.I expect that to remain the same.I want to keep my own individual identity,hence i didn't take your surname.At no point should we suffocate each other,because if we do,like the Proteas years ago,we will choke.

When i was 19 i met a phenomenal woman named Mbali kaShongwe-Gcabashe,who taught me something that i haven't forgotten.She said to me: "If he cheats,leave.If he beats,run!"
I will not tolerate cheating.If you ever decide that i'm nolonger satisfactory,let me know so that we either resolve it,or we go our separate ways.But i wont deal with issues of mistresses,nor will i compete for your attention with young women.
Secondly,i'm not a punching back.In my youth i dated two violent men.I'd have to be braindead to make the same mistake thrice.

When you married me,you knew that i'm a free-spirited woman.I don't expect you to even contemplate the possibility that i can be domesticated,it doesn't exist.As a wife,i know my responsibilities.They don't include slaving around OUR home while you idle.We're both responsible for the maintainance of our house,our home,our sanctuary.

I made this clear when our relationship got serious,that i'm not interested in having children.I know how selfish this sounds,but we got this far with that understanding.If we see the need for a child,there are many adoption centres that we can approach.Millions of children are in need of parental love and the security of family.We can give one such child all of that,and love it like our own.

There will be times when i neglect you,times when you're not number one on my list of priorities.Please understand that i decided long ago that my life would be dedicated to a cause which i believe to be just.I haven't changed my mind.This,however,doesn't mean that i love you any less.

I vow before your eyes,that my commitment to you is not by mistake.I am very committed to making this marriage last,provided that you reciprocate.I have flaws and weaknesses,but i am a woman of substance,who would never betray or take advantage of you.

I am with you because i love you.I want to spend my life with you.But marriage is hard work and i trust that you're as prepared as i am to make it work.If you're not,please let me know right now so that i can swiftly fade away from your stage.I am not a fan of games.

May i be looking into your eyes when my last hour has come.
And as i lay down dying,may you be holding my weakening hand.

With love
Malaika Mahlatsi

PS: I am on my way to Zimbabwe.It was a spur
-of-the-moment decision.I'll see you next Sunday if i don't decide to go further up north.I think i want to spend a few days in Bamako or take a road trip to Burkina Faso.

Be a good boy!

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