Saturday 5 May 2012

Ten things a woman must NEVER do by Malaika wa Azania

by Malaika Wa Azania on Sunday, May 22, 2011 at 5:36am ·
We live in interesting times where social conditions affecting our lives have undergone drastic changes.The culture in which we live today is very different from the one in which our parents grew up,due to many factors including technological developments,globalisation and ofcourse,liberalisation of culture.I write this note with all this in mind.

I haven't lived in the world long enough to have acquired sufficient experience.But often,one learns from the experiences of other people.Afterall,humanbeings are socials beings,and so we rely on each other.And although we're all generally unique,there are some unwritten rules in life that are common everywhere.I call them the 10 Female Universal Laws...they are things that women just should NEVER do.

1. HAVE A BABY TO TRAP A MAN
If your man didn't love you before the baby,he wont love you after it.Women must stop having babies to save relationships that are beyond repair,because a child shouldn't be a remedy,but a product of a strong union.

2. DELIBERATELY DATE ANOTHER WOMAN'S MAN
Unless all parties involved are okay with the set-up,dating another woman's man is a no-no.There's a fine line between polygamy and cheating.Polygamy is not a problem,cheating is.Agreeing to be another man's "makhwapheni" is a symptom of inferiority complex,because no self-respecting woman would want to be an alternative to a man.And if he tells you that he's going to divorce her and marry you,know that he's lying.If he isn't,and truly does leave his wife to marry you,remember one thing: what he did with you he will do to you.

3. SLEEP HER WAY TO THE TOP
It's true that we live in a man's world.Patriarchy is still a very big problem,particularly in Afrikan society,and women end up being forced to work twice as hard to get what men have,to be where men are.However,that is not an excuse to commodify yourself.Rather go into the battlefield and emerge bruised,but victorious,than take the easy way out by being the boss's prostitute.Power without integrity is useless.

4. BE DEPENDENT ON A MAN
There's nothing more foolish than depending on a man for survival.Women must empower themselves and be able to stand on their own two feet,so that if the man ever leaves,the impact is only emotional.When you're being fed,clothed,sheltered and sustained by a man,you become vulnerable to him,and end up sacrifising your own happiness to maintain your lifestyle.If you become a housewife,make sure that if the shit ever hits the fan,you'll leave your marital home in your own car and relocate to your own fully furnished house...not back to your parent's home in a taxi.

5. CHEAT
If your partner cheats,work it out or leave him.Whatever you do,do NOT avenge,because not only will that hurt you in the long run,but you could find yourself in an HIV/AIDS hospice,dying.You must never cut off your nose to spite your face.

6. CHEAPEN HERSELF
This is especially relevant to female comrades.You must never allow these perveted male comrades to make you their lay-mates and conference specials.Nothing can be as humiliating as walking into a room full of comrades and they say: "Mxm,she can speak all these big politics that she's speaking,kodwa yena sim'dlile sonke."
Rather have them say: "Mxm,this one thinks she's better..."

7. ABANDON HER GIRLFRIENDS
You must NEVER EVER abandon your girls for a man.I know how exciting new relationships are.You want to be with your partner all the time.But you must always make time to be with your friends.Go out for drinks,a movie,a vacation...Call them...PRIORITISE them the way you did before Mr Man came into the picture.Remember,there's no guarantee that he's for more than a season.But strong bonds with your girlfriends are often for a lifetime.

8. TRY TO CHANGE A MAN
So many of us women fall into this trap of wanting to change a man.You meet him at a party and the next thing when you're dating him,you want him to stop partying.This is not a working proposition.You must either find someone else to love,or love the one you're with.

9. MOTHER A MAN
Another big mistake that women make-mothering a man.You must never play a mother's role in a relationship.You are his partner,not his parent,and unless you make this clear,you will be responsible for the irresponsible spoilt brat that he will become.

10. COMPROMISE HER VALUES AND PRINCIPLES
A relationship can only work when both of you are willing to compromise.However,there are things that a woman must never negotiate.For example,if you're a pan Afrikanist and your partner is a Charterist,you must never compromise your position or allow yourself to be influenced to join him.If your partner genuinely loves you,he will respect and value your independence.

You must never love a man more than you love yourself.The best relationships are formed by two strong people,where none is another's clutch...emotionally,financially or spiritually.

Yours truly
Malaika wa Azania
Black Single Ladies Association (President)

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