Saturday, 5 May 2012

Male Malaika wa Azania

by Malaika Wa Azania on Saturday, June 25, 2011 at 4:19am ·
Some people will find it odd that not only is the author of this note a teenager (and thus,not expected to understand the nature of relationships) but she's also single (and thus,not expected to give relationship advice since clearly,she's not applying it to her own life).Let me make it clear that being the beautiful woman that i am,the only reason i'm single is because i'm still inspecting the great men around me,trying to decide which one is worth the investment that i'm going to make in the relationship that i'll be commiting myself in,be it now or later.I have come to take relationships seriously,so when i choose to settle down,rest assured that it will be with a man who is worthy of the goddess that is me (that isn't a spelling error dear,i did write GODDESS).

I am convinced that good men are very hard to find,particularly in political circles.Great though they may be at dissecting dialectical materialism and all such constructs,the reality of the situation is that male comrades are often bad news.You see,there are 3 categories of male comrades:

1. The Married Bastard
This is the common type,particularly in the ANC.These are married men who have stable families,yet prey on female comrades (who often play along) on the side.They are bastards because they cheat on the women who make them representable,who raise their kids while they attend conferences to make decisions that make the world a worser place.

2. The Unmarried Bastard
This type is common mainly in the ANCYL.These are unmarried men who genuinely believe that they have the responsibility to "deal with the centre" of anything that wears a skirt.They are often charming and eloquent,with mannerisms that will melt the heart of any mortal female species.They ooze confidence and sex appeal-and they know it! They are bastards because they have a phobia of commitment to one women,and so,rather than do different positions with the same woman,they do the same position with different women.

3. The Assumed Bastard
These men are few.They are men who seem like bastards but are,infact,diamonds waiting to be discovered.Their appearance and mannerisms scream "BASTARD!".They are either a heap of arrogance or they are friendly with female comrades and so,if read incorrectly,are easily tied in with the first two categories.It is these men that i want to talk about.

The "Assumed Bastard" is a very complex character.Often misunderstood,he has reconciled himself to being the "bad" guy and so,no longer makes an attempt to let his true side dominate.There are 2 categories of this rough diamond:

1. The Arrogant Smartass
You know that guy who can quote everything that Karl Marx and Vladimir Lenin said,but will never say "Hi there" to you unless he absolutely has to (after YOU greet him first) or that one who gives you strange looks because you happen to not understand what Le Chartelier's Principle is? That guy who EVERYONE says is an "arrogant (twit)hole"? Well,that guy is actually a diamond.He just wants to present a bad boy image because he's terrified that if you penetrated through the encyclopedia-like surface,you'd find a person who sings along to Ne-yo's "Mad".Don't let that man go.

2. The "Loser"
You see,because the boisterous "Married Bastard" and the common "Unmarried Bastard" are in the majority,they set the rules by which other men should abide.They wear fancy clothes and drive expensive cars,and so all men are expected to follow suit.If they don't,we brand them as "losers".But he's the twist: these men are FAR from being that.They are ordinary men with an extraordinary level of consciousness,because it takes that to annihilate expectations and live outside the established norms.Being counter -culture,far from being a symptom of being a "loser" is infact,a sign of being the exact opposite.Men like these are diamonds and unless you're prepared to scrub it,you will never see its clear sparkle.

But i've described the CHARACTERS of these men,not necessarily HOW TO SPOT THEM.Well ladies,a man worth keeping:

1. Will engage with you sufficiently first before he sleeps with you.This is so that he determines that you're useful not just as a sex object,but as a compatible long-term partner.A man who sleeps with you without understanding the nature of your thinking is not for a lifetime.He's for a season.

2. Will not come with baby-mama drama.A man who,in his late twenties has 3 kids with 3 different women is to be deeply scrutinised.What kind of man fails to make a relationship work not once,not twice,but thrice? Either he (a) goes for wrong women (b) never learns from his mistakes or (c) is a qualified striker who doesn't shoot blanks ANYWHERE he scores.And when there are 3 different baby-mamas,anywhere means EVERYwhere.

3. Will not stand between you and your dreams.Many men will want you to make sacrifises with your ambitions,or convert you to their beliefs,be they religious/ political.

When opting for a politician,be careful!

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