Saturday, 5 May 2012

Stop making a good man pay for the sins of your ex by Malaika wa Azania

by Malaika Wa Azania on Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 2:17pm ·
The lyrics to "His Mistakes" by Usher Raymond must be an introduction to this note.

"Do i remind you of the pain that he put you through,girl?
Is that the reason i'm to blame before i do it?
Is it because he treated you badly,
that i always stand accused?
Protecting yourself from somebody else,

And it's killing me girl the way you compare me to him.
Always guilty before the sin
I can't win,no i can't win.
I'll do anything to prove i love you
But baby girl i refuse to pay for something i didn't do
I love you girl
But i refuse to stay,
Paying for his mistakes.

He left a scar across your heart,i understand girl.
But girl,don't let his wrongs tear us apart
'Cause girl,i'm your man.
Just because he did,you swear i'm cheating
You think i just don't care.
Why must i do time for another man's crime?
Girl you know that ain't fair.

I know he did you wrong
But tell me,what does that have to do with me trying to show you something real?
Figure out what is going on
Before you look up and i'll be gone..."

These are powerful words that we should dissect as thoroughly as they ought to be dissected.

Whenever a woman is in a relationship,she cements everything that happens in it,in her heart.She makes her partner the centre of her universe and often gives the relationship everything that she has: her time,energy,uncompromising commitment and unconditional love.And then the relationship ends,and she's left to pick up the pieces of her broken heart.

Often,the main problem becomes that when she leaves a relationship with her heart broken,she cements even the pain there,and nurtures it everyday.When she hears a song that reminds her of her ex-boyfriend,the hatred for him wells up and ultimately,the hatred for men is born.
Often,you'll hear a heart-broken woman saying things like: "All men are the same" or "All men are bastards".This mentality is very destructive because not all men are evil.Not all men have nefarious motives with women.

After a relationship has ended,it's not easy to pick up the broken pieces,because the truth is,even as you break up,there remains a part of you that still deeply cares about the man.You're expected to still love him! You can't have been in a relationship with someone without developing some strong emotions towards him.But when it's over,you must learn to let it go.

The first thing that you must do is take time out.Take a break to deal with your rage,your betrayal,your disappointments and the reality that your dreams with your ex have been shattered.There is truly no time limit for this phase,it is different for different people.For some the pain heals in days,for others in months and for some in years.I say,as long as you feel that you are ready to start again,then go ahead.Just make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons.These DON'T include:

Don't date to make your ex jealous,because you end up getting hurt yourself...and hurting the poor guy you're using,who just may love you.

Don't prove to your ex that you are "fine" without him by dating another man.If he knows you,he will see through you.And that will make you appear desperate.

Look,you wont forget about your ex.YOU WONT FORGET ABOUT YOUR EX.And the more you try to forget about him,is the more you will remember him.So accept that he was part of your life,that he meant a lot to you...and that it is over.

Don't replace an ex.If you do,you will end up making your new boyfriend pay for the crimes of your ex.
You will compare them all the time,and expect your current partner to live up to expectations of someone that you have elevated to the level of a god.

In essence,ladies...value a good man.Don't let your burdens tear you apart.

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