Saturday, 5 May 2012

Why women let good men go by Malaika wa Azania

by Malaika Wa Azania on Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 1:11pm ·
Social conditions affecting relationships between men and women have undergone many drastic changes in the past few years.The culture in which men and women live today is different from the one in which our parents grew up.This can only mean that we have a New Order,an order that has bred chaos,especially to women.Women have become irrational.We have simply stopped thinking.

Women might break-up with their men for different reasons,ranging from abuse to pure boredom.Nomatter what the reason may be,there's one line that is never omitted: "I can't believe how much time i wasted with that bastard!"
This has been haunting me,because not only have i also said this line a few times,but it seems as though i am still going to say it a few more times,if my friend Sayida and my mom are correct in their analysis that "You're going to kiss many frogs before you find your prince,Malaika."
Ok,wait! This means one of two things: It's either ALL men are the same or women are stupid.I don't believe either one of these reasons,so i'll settle for my own: WOMEN LET GOOD MEN GO!

On many occassions,i have sat down with my girlfriends trying to understand why we break up with our men.I mean,we are good women,if i may say so myself.When we are in relationships,we commit ourselves and we love unconditionally.We are not Halle Berry hot,but dammit,we make good trophies...on top of having substance in the brain department.So why,oh why,are we unable to make relationships last forever?
"Because you commit to the wrong men and let good men go," said one of my friends,who happens to be unable to keep one man long enough to know his surname.
We all kept quiet,unable to utter a single word,because deep in our hearts we knew that she had hit the nail on the coffin.

Us women are strange creatures.We accomodate all sorts of things,and have expectations that even the ANC will never promise to meet.The main problem that we have,which is our collective weakness,is that we believe that we have the power to change men.This is the height of foolishness and the depth of arrogance.We knowingly go into relationships with jerks that we meet in dingy places,but expect to transform them into decent men.

I once had a friend who met a man on Facebook.They would speak every night,sms each other and all sorts of things.By his own admission,brother man was bestfriends with Heineken.He just couldn't be parted with the damn thing.But sister girl was adamant that she would change him.And she did! But now,since brother man needed a new hobby to substitute his old one,he appointed himself her detective,sniffing out all sorts of irrelevant things about his woman.These little things would always make them fight.
"You spent a lot of time changing him and now that he has changed,you nolonger love him," i said to my distraught friend.
Naturally,she couldn't rebute that.

Next,i have another friend.Let's call her Angel.Angel is those type of women that just ooze confidence from every pore.She's got the package: beauty and brains.Men are crazy about her-and she knows it! She gets asked out by all sorts of men:rich men,influential men,married men,the BEE types,tenderpreneurs,intellectuals,pimps and taxi drivers.You would think that being a smart woman,she'd go for decent men.But NO! That friend of mine dates the worst kinds of men,and for some reason,she is into the habbit of dating men who abuse her,be it verbally or physically-at times even both! When i ask her why,she shrugs her shoulders and says:
"I like giving people the benefit of the doubt."
Ever the humanist!

The problem with Angel is the problem faced by many women:having options but settling for less.Women would rather settle for crap than make it work with a potentially great man who just needs some polishing.Why does this happen,though?

1. Women are generally arrogant,as i said.They think they have powers to change the behavior of men.
Listen here,if that man doesn't want to change,he wont change,period! You must either accept him the way he is,or jump.

2.Women learn the hard way.
Usually,a woman must be beaten to a pulp or be cheated on with her bestfriend before she realises that her man is a bastard.

3.Women are too forgiving.
Women put up with too much crap,period.

My older sister,Mbali kaShongwe Gcabashe,has taught me how to spot a great man:

>He doesn't cheat or beat.EVER.

>He is responsible even with the most little things.

>He lets you explore your potential.If you want to move to Mpumalanga to do research for 3 months,he supports you.He isn't suffocating and possessive.

>He respects other people and not just your family.

>He compliments you intellectually,he helps you grow.

>He values your relationship.

>He lets you be yourself around him.If you eat 6 slices of bread,he doesn't care.

>He is honest.

I've found that the man we dismiss as "just a good friend" or "he's like a brother to me" is often the one that we must consider giving a chance.We let diamonds go while chasing stones..

No comments:

Post a Comment